“We Love You, Man!” — Lieberman, Fiorina, Giuliani, and Romney In Reverse for McCain

A fascinating convention, in which a series of also-rans united behind a man they claim to respect. Yesterday, we had Fred Thompson, with his phony drawl and strong jaw, finally waking up like Rip Van Winkle to venerate the military prowess of the flyboy who dated “an exotic dancer known as the Flame of Florida” and drove a Corvette, by golly! Then they rolled out turncoat Lieberman, who forgot how effusively he praised Obama back in 2006, claiming to be his “mentor,” now kowtowing to his Republican audience, while ostensibly pitching his new position to all those wobbler Democrats somewhere out in TV-land who were like, totally not listening to him.

Tonight, we got Carly Fiorina, who in the video below said insurance should pay for birth control like it does for Viagra, not surprisingly garnering little applause from a restive audience. We got a rabid Romney, with his absurd claim that the Roberts Supreme Court is liberal because it gave civil rights to “terrorists,” somehow not realizing that all people are entitled to civil rights until we lawfully determine they are terrorists, and then, we take their civil rights away and punish them. I wish he’d showed his audience how well he gets along with black people, as the video below illustrates.

Then we got Guiliani, a cross-dressing, choice-mongering easterner if ever there was one, smirking his way through a speech that would have fallen flat in front of anything but an audience of die-in-the-last-ditchers. Since he’s still trying to raise cash to pay of the campaign debt for his campaign, he was really smirking for his supper. Strange he didn’t mention his deep love for his chauffer, Bernie Kerik, aka Taserman, who would’ve made a great Homeland Security chief, with his Mafia conncections.

As for Palin herself, the woman of the hour, talk about preaching to the converted — she is going to benefit greatly from a wholesome defeat to crown her career. Her smugness is powerfully off-putting, and for that I am so grateful. My favorite Palin is, however, her daughter Bristol, whose pain I can feel quite clearly. I’d get pregnant myself if it would get me away from Sarah Palin.

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More Fun
Romney tried, but he just couldn’t get his earnest supporters to join him on the podium at the RNC.

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Carly and McCain Don’t Agree About Everything
How they let a liberal like Carly on stage I don’t know. Just listen to her equating the importance of a man getting a stiffie with the self-indulgent conduct of women who want to indulge in sex without inviting new life into their womb. John, on the other hand, just can’t remember how he voted on the issue.

Bill O’Reilly Plays Doctor
Clear thinking from Bill O’Reilly on the issue will, of course, set us all straight. Malfunctioning penises are a medical condition! Babies of course, are not delivered in hospitals, and gynecologists aren’t physicians. I see, I see!

The Nausea Sets In
Summary conclusion: The RNC performance will knock most fence sitters into the Obama camp. Knee-jerk liberal-haters are not on the fence — they were spiritually inside the convention hall. If you were not ready to throw gays and lesbians under the bus, ready to cheer the heroism of giving birth to disabled children as if science had taught us nothing, ready to drill for oil in the Arctic refuge that is already under assault from global warming, ready to castigate unwed mothers so long as they are not your own children, ready in short, to adopt a mean-spirited and parochial view of how to run the nation, then I cannot imagine what was there for you. Unless of course you responded to Romney’s tirade against humanistic values, or had a secret need to snigger along with “America’s mayor” as he bashed the abilities a man whose leadership qualities dwarf his own. But I repeat myself. This lowbrow performance by what is left of the Republican party made it clear to everyone actually sitting on the fence that McCain is the default candidate fronting for a gang of opportunists who can’t accept that they have exhausted their fifteen minutes of shame. Decent people would not have darkened the door of their pathetic gathering place.