Loyal Bushies, This Is Not For You
The ideas stated in this article are strictly for people dedicated to eradicating the stain of Bushism from our national life. All you anti-terrorism fans, all you believers in the the Big Lie, tell yourself whatever you want, Bush’s pants have been on fire so long, it’s like he’s being burned in effigy. The Democratic victory strategy set forth below is distilled from the pure essence of popular hatred for the demonstrably feeble-minded “war President.” Yes, it’s true. Turn your eyes away in horror. I am yet another rabid, Bush-hating American, fueled with enough anger to burn out whole city blocks of lobbyists, along with all the bad legislation, corrupt policymaking, and obscene profits they’ve been racking up for the last eight years. Ignore my rantings, or you could end up the same way.
With This Election, We Save The Nation, The Planet, and Ourselves
Okay, Democrats, now that we’re alone, let’s pop that frigging champagne and get to work. We’ve absolutely got to win this election, or you can kiss polar bears, a livable planet, world peace, civil rights, and whatever’s left of the social safety net goodbye. We’ve got to elect a Democrat and then follow through by riding his/her ass like Paul Revere rode his horse on the night the British landed — as if all our freedoms and hopes depended on it!
First We Define The Candidates Strategically
First, let’s first define our candidates strategically, so we can think about the game. Obama’s the youthful, multicultural, anti-Bush candidate, Hillary’s the white anti-Bush candidate, and McCain is Bush III. Waiting in the wings, well-rested and supported by a wife with a will like a power press, is John Edwards, who is well able to mend fences, bond with the people, and be the booster rocket that will put either one of these candidates in the White House.
Second, We Back A Candidate Who Will Reverse Bush-Policies
If all of our candidates were on Our Team, then victory would be assured! In some dream-reality, Howard Dean would sit them all down together and help them iron out their differences. Howard isn’t the man for that job, so let’s have an alternative strategy, and let’s not let the Doom-o-crats, the ostensibly earnest media liberals wailing that Democrats are “destroying themselves,” as if Obama were unraveling before our eyes, Hillary was morphing into the Wicked Witch, and hordes of flying monkeys were arriving to turn registered Democrats into McCain Republicans in all the swing states. Somehow I think Karl Rove is somewhere behind a curtain, pulling a lot of strings to keep this doomsaying spin aloft, turning a debate that needs to be focussed on issues into a mere celebrity deathmatch.
The fallacy behind all of this personality campaigning is that one person really is dramatically better, in their very fiber, than another. This is an absolute fallacy, because it is the conditions that politicians are subject to, far more than their innate qualities, that shapes their acts of leadership. Jack Kennedy may have been a philanderer and a fan of methamphetamine, but he faced down the Russians. Harry Truman probably wasn’t born wanting to incinerate two Japanese cities in the only two uses of thermonuclear weapons in human history, but he did it. Churchill might not have found a stage large enough for his ambition, but for Hitler’s decision to bomb London night after night with rockets, buzz bombs, and Luftwaffe bombers. And if some very clever people hadn’t brought down the three towers on September 11, 2001, the “Decider” would never have become a “war president,” and the Iraqis of Baghdad would have no bombs going off in their neighborhoods, and the economy would be in much better shape.
The Obama team has fallen hook, line and sinker for the idea that their guy is just the peachy President we need. Hillary fans are more likely to propose her as an issues-oriented politican, but the press puts the focus on her personality. Realism tells us that how each one would behave as President will depend on whether they staff their Cabinet and White House with cronies or change-agents, whether they can bring the economy back on line, whether Congress will roll back the Bush-era corruption or continue to marinate in corporate funds that dissolve their spines and cause them to creep like slugs toward whatever slime pool lobbyists are funding today. Rather than being focused on who we’ll send to the White House, we need to know how to stay in touch with them once they’re in there. What will it take for them to receive our calls? The answer is — whoever we send to the White House will remember us if we make it very clear to them why we’re sending them there. The Decider knew why he was sent to the White House — he was sent there by his cronies to open the national treasure to plunder, and he has done it quite effectively. Similarly, we need to know, by the candidates’ commitments, that they know why we’re sending them to the White House — to put an end to Bush Policies and point the nation in a wholesome, honest direction. Guess what, that message is positive, and will even sell in church. Being against a bad man is not “negative.” It’s called “wearing the white hat.” I want a candidate with a white hat, a real one, and I don’t care about their hairdo or their skin color.
Our alternative to a strategy of “Put a Fabulous Person Up As Our Candidate” would be — put a candidate in office who is willing to put an end to Bush Policies in all the important areas. A candidate who will get us out of Iraq swiftly, tend to the ailing economy, end the attack on the environment, stop the corporate giveaways and tax breaks, and set the nation on the path to a sustainable, prosperous, peaceful future. A candidate who will bravely reject a foreign policy born of fear-mongering, productive of nothing but international contempt, security boondoggles, foreign wars, and the construction of walls in the slums of Baghdad, and the desert of Sonora. When our candidate’s goals are clear, there are enough votes among the economically disenfranchised, among rejected minorities, among deprived groups like single mothers lacking daycare, healthcare, and decent food, to put that candidate over the top, regardless of her color or his sex. Our candidate will be flexible, will be adaptive, will be humble and will be dedicated.
Third, We Have A Plan To Win With Either Nominee
If the numbers are right, Obama partisans aren’t converting any Hillary followers, and the reverse is equally true. Some Hillary voters say they’ll vote for McCain if Obama wins. Some Obama voters may stay home if Hillary wins. These candidates are free to act however they want right now, but we, the Democratic party faithful who have waited for this chance to deliver a knockout punch to Bush policies, cannot accept a division of our voting power. Whoever comes out of the national convention can be the Candidate, as long as they look forward to a win in the general, and have a plan for how to include all the power players to the Rejection of Bush Policies Administration. Remember, this is not negative! It is the one plan that has majority support!
A majority of voters, asked to vote on each of the following issues, yes or no, would definitely answer no to all of them:
1. Should the next President continue to fund the War in Iraq to the tune of $40,000,000 (forty million dollars) per day?
2. Should the next President continue the policy of allowing the CIA to torture people in secret prisons?
3. Should the next President continue the policy of providing less funding to States for health care and children’s health insurance?
4. Should the next President continue to appoint political cronies incapable of performing their jobs to head agencies like FEMA, the FDA, the the Dept of Education?
These and many other questions can be answered virtually in unison by Hillary and Barack. In fact, they should try it. People who want to move them in this direction should start asking these questions in the following format: “If you are elected President, do you pledge to end the military occupation of Iraq as quickly as is consistent with the protection of American troops?” Or, “If you are elected President, do you pledge to close all secret CIA prisons and Guantanamo, and give the people locked away there a free and open trial?” These questions are, of course, far too difficult for an unmotivated Hillary or Barack to say “yes” to. They would much prefer to finesse it, and play personalities. That way they think they’ll have wiggle room once they get to the White House, and they’ll just do things “their way.” But both Hillary and Barack are mistaken about this strategy. We can all see through it, except the true believers on either side, and we know that they’re avoiding the hard questions because they believe the Doom-o-crats are right, and you just can’t commit openly to rolling back the Bush Administration takeover of our government. Just can’t do it. Like pod-people, Bushites will clone themselves, light torches, head to the polls, and burn unpatriotic Presidential candidates at the stake. Bullshit. That’s fear mongering coming straight out of Karl Rove’s Big Lie Emporium, and don’t you believe it, sports fans. The only winning ticket is the one that says, “Screw Bush!”
Fourth, We Let The Voters Elect the Nominee Who Will Reverse Bush Policies
The standard strategy that the Doom-o-crats are laying out for themselves would be to lose the general election after lots of furious politicking. Eliminating internecine warfare seems like a good idea, but by trying to get Hillary to withdraw from the race, they make Obama look weak. Additionally, he’s being encouraged to act peevish, which doesn’t look good. Minority superdelegates are under pressure to make the politically correct choice, but we don’t really know what that is. People who couldn’t win the election for themselves, like Edwards, are sought for endorsements by either sides of the personality war. No wonder he’s keeping mum. I’m sure he would love it if someone would ask him how the battle against Bush policies is going, and whether he has any plans to forward his initiatives with the new Democratic administration (whoever leads it). Keeping to Karl Rove’s secret plan, the Doom-o-cratic convention, run machine-style, will produce the Chosen One that the charmless Dean machine will try and force everyone to support, using the argument that the candidate is at least better than McCain. (Note how much stronger it would be if the argument were, “Like both of the Democratic Presidential contestants, the nominee has pledged to roll back all corrupt Bush policies within a hundred days of their election.”)
Fifth, We Follow Through On Our Victory By Making The Next President The People’s President
Rather than trying to force an early peace between Obama and Clinton, the Party leadership needs to commit to letting the popular result carry the convention, and accept the possibility that either of them may get the nomination, and commit to giving either nominee all the resources they need — to do what? Reverse Bush Policies! Yes, You’ve got it now. Just keep saying that. “I want the candidate elected who will Reverse Bush Policies!” You just do that, and I promise you, you’ll get that candidate. Once you get the candidate, you’ll have to work to elect them, and with Doom-o-crats everywhere crying despair, it will be work to get our anti-Bush candidate elected. We will do it, though, and when we do, the hard part really begins. However many times they took the pledge to Reverse Bush Policies, once they become President, they will want to forget. We must not let them forget. We must remind them every day why we put them in office, and demand that they make progress toward the goals they set for themselves when they reached for the nation’s top executive office. Like I said, it’s circumstances that make the politician. We can create the circumstances that will make the next President the People’s President, and he or she will love us for it, because strong demands from the people empower populist politicians. And we could really use a genuine populist President. So let’s stand up a President, arm them with our righteous rage, and march ‘em off to Washington to make things right. And send the Doom-o-crats back to Oz, where they came from.